Nathan Hirsch

A surge of motivation is felt 

A surge of conviction 

A thought of "from now on I will..."

Triggered from a quote

A movie 

A conversation 

A book

You have high hope for a new beginning 

You never change but you think you don't lack clarity 

It's abundantly clear in the moment 

How your life will be different 

"from now on..."

And every time you catch yourself 

3h later almost always sooner 

"You see you don't act differently"

"You are not changed at all"

Your surge of motivation passed 

A surge of conviction vanished 

You are the same 

You act the same 

We always default to our default. 

500 loops of the same experience 

Nothing changes 

You scroll 

You quit

You consume 

You borrow

Ideals 

Sincerity 

Convictions 

Vision from others 

500 times you begun 

500 times you were forced to reconsider your interest 

We live a life of borrowed sincerity 

Which lead to a wasted life 

Unable to understand what's truly ours or what's borrowed 

500 times you wanted a different life 

Out of fear of not finding one. 

There is always something. 

It is your feeling. 

It is your thoughts. 

It is a lack of sincerity 

It is the idea 

It is not enough

There is a reason

Or no reason at all. 

Why is that true? 

This is what life is to you. 

You try to make sense of the greatest absurdity.

You try to have permanence and purpose.   

When impermanence and insignificance are all you experience. 

You are stuck because 

You do not understand 

What life is. 

You are stuck because

You do not want your conflict to stop 

You are stuck because 

You need your "but", "if", "and"

You can choose entertainment 

You can choose hard work

You can try 

You can postpone

Does it matter? 

Without truth? 

Without understanding? 

Within is intuitive wisdom

Outside is deep conditioning. 

Why are you stuck? 

There is comfort 

There is familiarity 

There is self satisfaction 

There is compromise 

There is always something 

There is a wasted life 

There is "by all means necessary" 

There is uncompromisingness

There is intuitive understanding 

There is "I will do anything"

A choice is in front of you 

Freedom is in front of you 

Something deep tells you to jump out of bed, 

The moment you open your eyes 

Move. Live. Anything. 

It does not matter 

Yet you snooze every morning 

It doesn't remind you of anything else you snooze too? 

You lay in bed awake for hours. 

You think without actions. 

Like in your life, thoughts without transformation

This is yet another example where 

You know what to do, 

You know what to try, 

Yet, you don't  

You are not stuck. 

You are never really stuck. 

You are not helpless 

You are not desperate 

There is always something there. 

Something to try

It's there 

Naturally 

The moment you wake up.  

This moment is your life. 

Jump out of bed the moment you open your eyes 

Or snooze for hours 

It does not remind you something else you snooze?

You are never really stuck 

You are not ready to leave your issues 

You are just not ready to transform 

You are just not ready to wake up 

Every morning 

And in your life 

You are fast asleep. 

There is some immediate satisfaction 

By indulging the mind 

There is also immediate knowledge too 

This is stupid, this is a waste

You are not sure how profoundly destructive it is  

You have not explore it. 

Yet something inside of you knows and alerts you 

You have ignored this something inside of you 

To do what everyone else does 

To do what the world does. 

You have ignored it for so long 

You might not even hear it 

Yet it's still there when you waste hours. 

Why is it so difficult to follow this intuitive wisdom?

Because it's unclear what is in it for you. 

You know what distraction brings. 

Or do you? 

If you see it, why haven't you solved it? 

You do not remember 

When it all started  

As long as you remembered 

It was there

It is the way you bring yourself to do anything 

It is the measurement of all you do 

It is the need that keeps you stuck 

You do not know what to do 

You live like an automaton  

You hope for wealth   

You desire fame 

Everything you consider doing should bring a degree of success.  

What is formidable is that 

You well know that any measure of success you have had 

Never gave you anything 

Success is a prison 

Because it the blindfold that doesn't let you ask 

"What do I want in this life?"

All you pursue is shallow vehicles to gain success 

Is it effortless?

Is it sincere?

Would you do it if you were to die alone, poor and unknown? 

"You put in a nickel and expect a fortune"

There is peace in doing something freely 

No vehicle to gain something 

No expectation to earn something more

There is only the thing... 

For itself. 

Come what may. 

There is only the quality of time doing it 

There is only the freedom one has when he does it purely 

With complete omission of success, fame and wealth. 

There is only the freedom one has when he sees 

How narrow his vision was 

How limited his understanding was 

There is only the freedom one has when he sees 

The path he takes, no one has taken it before.  

He might do the same thing he would have done before truly understanding 

But he would as a changed human.  

Now that he understands, he might do a thing as a free human. 

Are you ready to be poor and unknown for it? 

The irony is, if you are, 

You might never be poor and unknown 

That's what freedom is.